Two years ago, right after I quit my job, both impulsively and after much consideration, I found myself in one of the many galleries I visited in Australia – my second home. I knew I needed to go back there, I thought that I’d find myself there. I didn’t. Instead I saw a lot of art. I immersed myself in art. That is where I saw my life headed, somewhere in the art world. Now I know that it was the creative world I saw myself in.
I must’ve stood in front of this piece for over half an hour. Every time I set out to move, it spoke to me a little more. It captivated me. I couldn’t look away. All those little mirrors shaped differently, positioned differently, they all reflected me in that moment. They were all me. That’s how I felt. Stuck and free both at the same time. Stressed and relaxed and lost and found. I wasn’t sure what was coming next, and I didn’t know how I was going to move forward, but I knew that I took the right step at the time.
I never discuss it, how dark the place I was in actually was. I never use the word depression. I don’t know if it’s fear of judgment, or shame, but talking about depression isn’t exactly common talk. It’s always talked about behind closed doors, in hushed tones and among trusted individuals. A therapist’s office sounds about right.
Maybe if more people talked about it, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. There are all these connotations attached to words like depression, anxiety, addiction and substance abuse. There are so many more disorders out there that no one wants to talk about. The funny thing is, we all know how true these conditions are, how real and happening they are in each and every house.
But god forbid we talk about it.
When I set out on my new journey, I knew I had to let go of so many limiting beliefs. Not being able to talk about important things, was the first one. I count my blessings for having people in my life that I can be myself with, 100%. People who see all those reflections, that love you because of them not in-spite of them, and want to know even more about you. Those are the people you need more of in your life.
Life is hard as it is. Why must we make it even more difficult but keeping stuff in, no, keeping shit in. It’s all useless left inside. All it does is mess you up even more. I don’t suggest you go shout it from a rooftop. But there has to be a way to unload. Writing for me, has always been my number one outlet. I do it almost daily. Beyond that, I have people I trust, that I can talk to and get advice or help.
We all have issues. We all have something that has a hold on us, that keeps us from moving forward. For the most part, that’s usually a limiting belief. Something someone told you at some point in your life. I don’t see how anyone can move past such a thing without setting out to actually deal with it. The problem is not that we are broken or imperfect. In fact, I think broken is a negative and inaccurate word to describe someone who’s been through life and has fought their way out of (__insert condition here__). In her book “Love Warrior”, Glennon Doyle Melton calls us, Warriors. I like that word so much more. For fighting our internal battles, for constantly and consistently striving to improve and better ourselves, for always choosing light over dark, especially when dark has its claws in you, holding on to you, yes, I’d say warrior is the right word.
So go be a warrior. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You know your battle. I see your reflections, all of you.