Tsk Tsk

I logged on today to follow someone’s blog and I saw that the last blog I posted was on November. Tsk tsk Reem. I said that to myself. I did.

Since Nanowrimo (November 2016) where I wrote 50k words towards the manuscript I’m currently working on, I’ve been spiraling down the rabbit hole. This time it’s a serious kind of hole. One I’ve never been in before. One I’m trying to claw my way out of. This isn’t exactly the depression I’m used to. Because for the most part, I’m doing things. I’m writing, working on my business and participating in life events. All of which I normally avoid when depressions hits. This hole feels deeper somehow and the only way out, I’m afraid, is by rocking the boat. Titanic is a boat right?

I didn’t realize 6 or 7 years ago, when I started working on developing and healing my self, that it would lead back to everything I’ve chosen to avoid, things I have no desire to dealing with. You have to face your fears in order to move past them. No shit! I don’t want to. But I’m gonna. I guess!

Well, at least now I know. And I’m working everyday…

I am proud of what I’ve accomplished so far. I’ve read 26 books of the 50 I challenged myself to complete this year. I am 52% into the goal within the first 31% of the year. I like my odds and I love that this means I’ll probably read more than 50 by 31st of Dec.

I have 130 something followers on my Deardorishop instagram page. Yea, that is my business and I just plugged it. Oh well. Go check it out, if you live in the UAE. I’m currently working on expanding it, coming up with a logo, a website, and the whole 9 yards. I have no idea if that phrase works here, but I wrote it anyway. I’m a rebel.

And I recently started working on my manuscript. FINALLY! That poor thing has been collecting dust since I finished it.

Those are the main things I’m working on that take most of my time. Well, Netflix takes most of my time, but right after Netflix, totally all those things I mentioned.

It’s hard. I don’t know why I didn’t understand how hard it would be. I feel like I have no idea what vision I’m working towards. At a company, someone had already decided what that is, and the job is simple, get it done. Working on my own, creating something by myself, I find it very difficult to stay focused. I get confused, side-tracked and disappointed when things don’t work out or go smoother than expected. I forget to leave my expectations behind.

In any case though, I’m working. That’s what I do. More than I’ve ever worked in my life. Even when I am on Netflix, my mind is constantly running. And despite everything, I am hopeful. I am always hopeful…

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